It’s retro comedy that would have been appealing during an era where MC Hammer was amazing. It would be awful to call this badly concocted humor “comedy.” One would pray that the game’s writers were going for a brainless attempt at humor in order to depict that Duke Nukem is, in fact, an uneducated simpleton that crawled out of a Planned Parenthood dumpster into the bowels of society, listening to bad jokes told by the redneck hobos that raised him. Your battles with the alien creatures are hardly memorable and extremely brief, to say the very least. You’ll be constantly thrown in turret fights, and conforming to the world’s shallow puzzles as you make your way through the game. If you’re a Duke fan, you will, undoubtedly, feel cheated from the plethora of action that was once abundant in past games. What you would expect from a Duke Nukem title (continuous use of oversized weapons and gore) is hardly what you will receive. The majority of the game is comprised mostly of first-person platforming and puzzles which lack creativity, which I’ve seen more of in a special needs art class. You expect the game to be a prideful shooter that goes back to its retrospective roots but the game is hardly that – a shooter, that is. And this notion holds true even with Duke Nukem Forever, which, ironically, is the disgruntled afterbirth of two hillbilly siblings. I am a firm believer of the notion that games should be judged for what they are, not for what they aren’t. Duke’s very own girlfriends (yes, plural) get abducted after he is attacked, and the game spirals into a whirlpool of poop that promises consistent hollow gameplay and irritable looks of calamity. Instead, they’re abducting Earth women to feed them alien spooge and impregnate them with alien spawns. Now, when I say revenge, you’d think that they would want to obliterate our planet and hunt down Duke Nukem for their embarrassing defeat. Some things are better off not being done for the sake of salvation, and Duke Nukem Forever should have stood on that platform.Īfter a decade of bewilderment, the lackluster storyline emerges in which aliens, which were once beaten to a pulp by Duke Nukem in previous games, return for some form of revenge a decade later. An abortion that was forced back into the womb of game development, the game relies heavily on egregious dialogue, dated visuals, and mediocre gameplay to push forward a game that, obviously, should have remained in our subconscious as a decent pastime. A game that sat in limbo feeding off of our prospects that’s as worthy as road kill – a game that relied solely on the name of a prehistoric relic.ĭuke Nukem Forever is astonishingly hideous in every sense of the word. However, what was to follow was a barrage of disappointment as realization kicked in, and saw that Duke Nukem Forever – overall – was nothing more than nostalgic lust perpetuated by years of denial and marketing. Once we found out that its production was picked up again by 2K Games, 3D Realms, and Gearbox, fans of the franchise cheered in anticipation as their narcissistic hero returned in next gen form. An over the top character that delivers a concoction of bad jokes, and a façade that only Neo Nazis can applaud, as he roams the alien-infested planet with big guns and a bad attitude. A name that, over the past decade, has remained imprinted in the minds of Duke fans as its stagnant production became more of a joke, rather than the exciting installment that was meant to be. Duke Nukem - a name that once reigned in an era where gaming was mildly in its infancy.
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